r/HolUp 2d ago

Here have an actual HolUp

Post image
80k Upvotes

u/MyNameIsUrMom 2d ago

> Here have an actual HolUp

Reports:

1: has no twist element, no holup

well now I know that no one here actually knows what a goddamn holup is

→ More replies

2k

u/MildlySaltedTaterTot 2d ago

Old joke but repost-ed jokes are def better than non-holups

337

u/J0h4n50n 2d ago

Admittedly most things that actually fit on this sub are going to be some twist or take on the style of this joke. It's definitely the most common style of joke that makes you say holup as far as I know.

30

u/bullsguitar 2d ago

This sub is literally just one joke. I think the issue is, the sub gets a ton of posts. This kind of sub should only have like 2-3 posts a day if it were only new and fitting content. But a bunch of people like that upvote validation and this sub is super popular so...

→ More replies
→ More replies

16

u/NouberNou 2d ago

The tinder post with the dad reviewing his daughter's performance in bed from a few days ago was a pretty good one I'd not seen before.

→ More replies

62

u/Babblebelt 2d ago

My grandfather told me a variation of this joke back in 87 and I finally knew he loved me

29

u/l-_-lzzzzz 2d ago

Not as much as he loved that labrador

→ More replies

5

u/Danny_Tamberelli 2d ago

Especially since I've never heard this and it got me.

I'm one of today's 10k.

5

u/BoKnowsTheKonamiCode 2d ago

I'm just glad it ended on vet and not pediatrician.

2

u/CommentsAreABadIdea 2d ago

Man, this fuckin sub:

  • We want hot new content! Keep this sub alive!
  • Non-Holups you **** clowns!
  • Shhh, r/All might hear you. Their (kek) the problem.
  • Re-posts are ok.
  • Repeat ad-nausem
→ More replies

703

u/BinHussein 2d ago

Love at first bite ❤

177

u/BB8304 2d ago

*sigh….

Goddammit that was pretty good

45

u/physicscat 2d ago

There’s a movie.

https://youtu.be/jgtftS4MF0Y

29

u/GoodAtExplaining 2d ago

What the fuck did I just watch,.

15

u/physicscat 2d ago

A great Dracula spoof from the 70’s.

6

u/Fancypancexx 2d ago

Whenever someone reacts with this I don't even think about clicking anymore

→ More replies

4

u/bluzarro 2d ago

Holy crap, I haven't thought about that campy ass movie in ages.

1

u/BinHussein 2d ago

What tha.......

→ More replies
→ More replies

27

u/DesmondTheMoonSloth 2d ago

R/angryupvotes

19

u/jojobestanime1 2d ago

23

u/Jailbreak5106 2d ago

You, sir/ma'am are a good person.

You didn't say oH i fOuNd tHe MoBiL uSeR

19

u/jojobestanime1 2d ago

I didn’t even realize they were mobile lol. Also thank you for calling me a good person

9

u/Jailbreak5106 2d ago

My pleasure

4

u/DeathViper420 2d ago

I was just thinking the same thing

→ More replies
→ More replies

2k

u/anime_and_stuff madlad 2d ago

Finally a holup

633

u/JuiceTheMoose05 2d ago

Good soldier on the frontlines

221

u/___Not_A_Cop___ 2d ago

Hello fellow redditor. I’m looking to obtain some illegal narcotics. You holding?

79

u/Stocx 2d ago

DM me😏

38

u/heather_dean 2d ago

The Dog Patrol ain't gonna like this.

4

u/CancerSpidey 2d ago

But PETA will

8

u/SleepArt 2d ago

Why? Will there be a lack of dogfood?

3

u/OCYRThisMeansWar 1d ago

Drug dogs are strung out. They need to take the edge off. Nobody needs a trained police dog giving head on the street corner for a fix.

→ More replies

25

u/vinzo1309 2d ago

Name checks out.

12

u/Cabbage_merchant_ 2d ago

I dunno man. You seem pretty sus

5

u/Embarrassed-Ad-1639 2d ago

I’m like wtf?, then read the username and laughed my mf ass off.

→ More replies

12

u/RemarkableOrder9980 2d ago

Good soldiers follow orders

39

u/Gespuis 2d ago

Was expecting a coroner..

→ More replies

17

u/badmf112358 2d ago

Holup a holup

12

u/jscummy 2d ago

Finally, some good fucking food holup

7

u/FuckRedditSnowflakez 2d ago

🎶 Hol let the dogs out? 🎶

5

u/Lumpy_Doubt 2d ago

Eh, it's a worse version of an old joke

23

u/SoloPenguin13 2d ago

Reposted a bunch of times but whatever

→ More replies

239

u/bbildo 2d ago

Horsing around will get you every time.

65

u/Gorthax 2d ago

🎶Back in 90s🎶

28

u/Cpt_Mystic-Stirling 2d ago

I was in a very famous TV Showw~ 🎶

19

u/Its_Than_Idiot 2d ago

I just started this show the other day so I get this reference. I'm one of the cool kids now. Bojack.

13

u/LeninWasRight_YOLO 2d ago

It’s the most fun you’ll ever have being depressed! 👍🏻

3

u/Westcobbguy 2d ago

Great show. You’re going to love it.

4

u/socialdistanceftw 2d ago

Bojack the horse (bojack) don’t act like youuu don’t know

→ More replies

8

u/dont_wear_a_C 2d ago

MR. HANDS

8

u/meltingdiamond 2d ago

Turns out being fucked by a horse in the ass was not illegal at the time in Washington state.

No one thought they needed a law about that, the action being its own punishment and all.

4

u/csfshrink 2d ago

Was his friend the GOAT? No but a goat was involved… He was just kidding though.

→ More replies
→ More replies

307

u/uniqueusername5001 2d ago

I was definitely expecting pediatrician at the end

144

u/Scottie2hhh 2d ago

I was expecting a mortician. Oh well. Guess I’ll stick my dick back in this corpse.

23

u/IamaWeebandgamer 2d ago

Not patients in mortuaries

11

u/throwawaymom28462 2d ago

I was expecting that he was a regular doctor but the patient died..

3

u/meltingdiamond 2d ago

Depends on how shitty the doctors are.

There have been a few patients sent to the mortuary and then returned to a bed with a many pointed questions being asked.

3

u/Z1rith 2d ago

corpses were people too

2

u/meltingdiamond 2d ago

I don't think a mortician would be in trouble with the medical ethics committee.

The laws on how to treat dead bodies vary from place to place and the medical boards job is to protect live people so the mortician might get to keep their profession license.

As far as I know there has not been a "Jimmy Savile of the morticians" case so the rules have not been tested yet.

→ More replies

1

u/mshcat 2d ago

Do you even need medical knowledge to be a mortician

→ More replies

18

u/BroadMove 2d ago

Me too! It said it was a "minor" indiscretion, and that's what stuck in my brain, I guess.

4

u/fuckyfuckfucker 2d ago

I was expecting veterinarian.

2

u/fakename869 2d ago

I thought vet meant he was a physician in the military. I couldn’t find the HolUp

→ More replies
→ More replies

33

u/Cennedys 2d ago

Aww man this sucks, you know my uncle's in the same situation, though he was the best mortician around town.

3

u/Psycho_Psychonaut 2d ago

Elaborate? Too lazy to click home button and lookup "mortician".

12

u/Reulorics 2d ago

Uh they work with dead bodies preparing them for funerals and such, if you still haven't looked it up. So necrophilia.

7

u/Seeker80 2d ago

You mean a necromancer?

2

u/TheChainedGod1 1d ago

Yes, a nec-romance-r

→ More replies
→ More replies

90

u/Jeffery_C_Wheaties 2d ago

Read this as he served in the military and was just sad.

29

u/Dob_Tannochy 2d ago

As a veteran, I make sure to refer to other veterans as veterinarians as often as possible.

4

u/gujiasi 2d ago

But at conferences you guys just cut loose, right?

4

u/GypDan 2d ago

Thank you for your cervix.

3

u/Dob_Tannochy 1d ago

Finally someone who gets it

3

u/Splintrr 2d ago

Same, I assumed based on the fact it's on r/HolUp that he slept with a coma patient or something lmao

2

u/hellraiserl33t 2d ago

Same, had to read the comments lol

→ More replies

150

u/Manager_Miserable 2d ago

Lol so he had sex with a dog huh. Hmmm sounds like one of my exes weird fantasies. It’s also why she my ex lol

91

u/Jasper455 2d ago

So, your ex has a thing for bitches?

35

u/Manager_Miserable 2d ago

Lol yep

39

u/rock_and_rave 2d ago

🤔 An alternate take is that you are, indeed, a dog.

5

u/Bineyboi 2d ago

Fine, take my upvote

13

u/Agitated-Bar6792 2d ago

He was a vet... it could have been a snake

9

u/ImAOneTrackLover 2d ago

I'm tired of these motherfucking snakes in these motherfucking vaginas!

→ More replies

14

u/Dr-EJ-Boss 2d ago

Who said it was a dog? Vets care for cats, reptiles, marsupials, primates (chimps have especially pretty, pink asses). Let’s not jump to conclusions.

10

u/lord-of-the-fags 2d ago

Hah gross, what's her number so I can stay away from her?

2

u/IamaWeebandgamer 2d ago

Fuck you in general

9

u/lord-of-the-fags 2d ago

Fuck me yourself coward

2

u/itsenny 1d ago

dude i just realized that if i ever shout "fuck you" to someone and they reply like you did, i wouldnt know what to say next

im having an existential crisis over your comment

→ More replies
→ More replies

12

u/i_fuckin_luv_it_mate 2d ago

Woah woah woah, hold your horses...

After making sweet love to them.

7

u/DerrainCarter 2d ago

And RIP Billy the Cumster, sorry hamster.

8

u/JRCstar17 2d ago

So many dog sex jokes on this sub. At least this one is an actual Holup though

14

u/InverSkater 2d ago

,,She was 18 in dog years.."

5

u/JadieeGrl 2d ago

Oh thank god I was thinking he worked as a mortician

6

u/51JeffreyWalters51 2d ago

how is this more cursed than the actual post

→ More replies

16

u/Brad_Brace 2d ago edited 2d ago

He did knot think that through.

14

u/MID2462 2d ago

I hate that I understand this joke

5

u/Dr-EJ-Boss 2d ago

Explain?

11

u/MID2462 2d ago

... You sure? I'm warning you. You probably won't be able to unsee it. Please don't click the spoiler, it's for your own good. Trust me on this, I wish to unsee what I have seen. "Knot" is a term for a dog penis. (Bit of a simplification) please don't ask me how I know this.

12

u/ExoticPerfume 2d ago

Bruh i was eating my sunflower seed when i saw this fuck me

6

u/MID2462 2d ago

I did warn you

8

u/ExoticPerfume 2d ago

You did and i hate that i didnt listen

3

u/Jacob20Daigle 2d ago

It’s funny that that’s the same?

10

u/IzarkKiaTarj 2d ago

I'm pretty sure it's actually a term for something that happens to the dog's penis. If I remember correctly, when it "knots," it swells near the base after ejaculation so that the dogs can't be separated for a bit, giving the male dog a higher chance of impregnating the female dog, since that means she can't immediately mate with another dog. Please don't ask how I know this, either.

5

u/MID2462 2d ago

I think that's correct but I just simplified because I was lazy lol. Kinda surprised no one is questioning this thread lol

2

u/Orange_Hedgie 1d ago

Oh I’m questioning it alright

2

u/MoldyPeniiChan 2d ago

I’ll confess. I learned it from werewolf porn.

3

u/MID2462 2d ago

Lol educated by furries gang rise up.

(Yeah I learned this from furries as well. But from a furry meme subreddit.)

3

u/GatorsHaveCloacasToo 2d ago

It's used informally to describe the structure and the process. Formally, the process is 'tying', and the structure is the bulbus glandis. Most people are familiar with 'knot' jokes and references because of its popular use with furries.

Since we're having this conversation.

3

u/Dr-EJ-Boss 2d ago

Now tell mE how you insert a spoiler (I know. I’m asking a lot)

3

u/MID2462 2d ago

I had to look this up but it's >![Sample text]<!

Edit: I made it have no effect by putting backslashes in between the characters. Like this \>\![Sample text]\<\!

6

u/IzarkKiaTarj 2d ago

For future reference, if you put code between ` symbols, you can make it appear exactly as written without backslashes.

So `>!this!<` turns into >!this!<.

Of course, there's no way to provide an example of using ` symbols within the ` symbols, so, ironically, I did have to use backslashes to show you.

2

u/MID2462 2d ago

Thanks I was aware it was an option but wasn't entirely sure in what it did.

→ More replies

2

u/snapetom 2d ago

Trust me you don't want an explanation.

→ More replies

3

u/MrsPowers94 2d ago

"Yea...yea...that sucks.... hold up...vet?" 😂😂😂 This is why I enjoy this sub. Shocks me everytime

5

u/TheGoldenMinion 2d ago

It took me so long bc I thought they meant vet as in veteran

3

u/HarvyJC 2d ago

Wait.

3

u/John_Fx 2d ago

After his service to our country that seems a shame.

3

u/Raulcouto35 2d ago

Now that's a true holup

3

u/Lucid-Design 2d ago

Gotdamn. What an incredible first step towards redemption of our beautiful sub

3

u/lol8869 2d ago

No doubt He had us in the first half

3

u/Blyatzilla 1d ago

An actual holup? Been a while since I've seen one of those

2

u/XGutshotX 2d ago

Banging animals… classic comedy

2

u/Orange_Hedgie 1d ago

Happy cake day!!!

2

u/FraudulentPlumber69 2d ago

This, ladies and gentlemen, is a holup. Let’s get a hold round of applause!

2

u/desearcher 2d ago

It's literally just a punchline to a joke.

2

u/shiblee_ 2d ago

Yes indeed worthy of holup

2

u/Crazy_Expert3202 2d ago

Gotta admit, I said “Wait, hold up”

2

u/DragDiscombobulated4 2d ago

This one actually made me say "hol up".

2

u/BurstMurst 2d ago

A real r/HolUp post

2

u/F4BuLOuSs 2d ago

A actually hold up? What sub do you think you are?

2

u/Fabantonio 2d ago

To be fair, he probably stole some dude's pet and slept with him like normal people sleep with pets

2

u/fuckit0l 2d ago

I was like no way that happens to a doc …. Without realizing it was a joke till the end.

Had a doc show up under the influence of cocaine twice and they still didn’t yank his license

2

u/firnien-arya 2d ago

I was expecting a mortician type thing. Vet was a good holup

2

u/jdog20205 2d ago

Wait... What did we do to deserve an actual holup??

2

u/Orthodox-Waffle 2d ago

A downhill slope ending in a cliff, well done

2

u/fordprecept 2d ago

Took me a minute to get it. I was thinking vet like military veteran and thinking the doctor was hooking up with a wounded soldier.

2

u/skullman_ps2 2d ago

Wonder if he was large animal or small?

2

u/ShinyHappyMeeples 2d ago

He was just trying to give them some sexual healing.

2

u/Open-Ad983 2d ago

Thought for sure it was going to say pediatrician

2

u/Dances_With_Demons 2d ago

Would also work if you replaced vet with mortician.

2

u/detrydis 2d ago

I didn’t get this until I read the comments. If you read this post as a vet being a veteran, it sounds genuinely sad.

2

u/Daschnozz 2d ago

Finally some real hol up

2

u/W0lfPix3l 2d ago

I dont get it, where is the hol up?

→ More replies

2

u/GalacticSnakeJuice 2d ago

I'm a pretty good mortician if I do say so my self.

2

u/reds2032 2d ago

Chill he’s an army vet

2

u/IndigoReaper 2d ago

Thought it was gonna say pediatrician at the end so I'm kinda relived..

2

u/DarthTrafford 2d ago

It’s early but I think you win the internet for today.

2

u/Gunpowder_gelatin765 2d ago

UHHH HOLLLLL UPPPP

2

u/Jesus_Shaves_ 1d ago

“Brilliant pediatrician” would have been better.

2

u/gamingowyswirek 1d ago

This went from 0 to 100 real fast

2

u/anon1562102 1d ago

thought it was gonna say pediatrician lol

2

u/flame_minion44 1d ago

They got us in the first half not gonna lie

2

u/toavahi_ 1d ago

Was expecting it to say pediatrician

2

u/ScarlettStingray085 1d ago

You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals

2

u/Inbloom476 1d ago

Took me a minute, I was thinking veteran

2

u/iam_masterKat 1d ago

I was thinking coroner ……

3

u/Muffinman1111112 2d ago

I had to read the comments to figure out it was “veterinarian” and not “veteran” :(

1

u/Broken_Petite 2d ago

Yeah I read it wrong at first too, we can be stupid together!

0

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

3

u/AwzTurtle 2d ago

He slept with a dog?

2

u/Spoonyalpaca12 2d ago

Nope a pediatrician is a doctor for children

→ More replies

2

u/soap_3 2d ago

Why is this being downvoted? I don’t see anything wrong with it

-1

u/Commissar_Genki 2d ago

Unless you're causing physical injury, bestiality is still less of a moral affront than eating meat.

1

u/eyeeatmyownshit 2d ago

What a waste going to school to be a funeral director.

1

u/DanteNecross 2d ago

I thought he was gonna say “mortician”

1

u/AndrewScott1226 2d ago

Hold the phone

1

u/cheesecracker900 2d ago

Wow, a double-twist. Nice.

1

u/SignsofnowNd2omorrow 2d ago

This has become the norm. Except if it’s not an animal it’s sex with a family member. I can literally predict all of these. Oh and the child pedo stuff is also the norm in these screenshot post.

1

u/imaculat_indecision 2d ago

Holy shit I saw that coming but its still hilarious

1

u/giggluigg 2d ago

The vet went wet with the pet

1

u/didnotbuyWinRar 2d ago

Very refreshing, 10/10

1

u/phhdvm 2d ago

I’ve been a veterinarian for 30 years, this one was old when I was still in school

1

u/Front-Piano9453 2d ago

good title.lol

1

u/WoundedUnicycle 2d ago

"Here, have another repost"

1

u/gigithebird2 2d ago

I had to read it twice… yikes

1

u/soft_violet_clouds 2d ago

so who did he fuck with?

1

u/ChonkyBasset007 2d ago

*wheeeeeeeze*

1

u/obiwantakobi 2d ago

I was waiting for the mortician reference.

1

u/TomMikeVickBrady 2d ago

Here’s a repost

1

u/WestAct6351 2d ago

Actually a holup

1

u/cortus1 2d ago

He worked in a morgue. I bet.

1

u/DifferentShallot2 2d ago

A holup should make you say “hold up”